[… which is completely self-referential and therefore hidden behind a read more. No obligation to read. Or to comment. And warning: Probably appears horribly sentimental and ego-centric. Apologies!]
and I really mean that when I address you as friends, because I have been stunned so far by the amount of compassion, kindness and concern that has been sent my way, and that I only know from people in my RL whom I consider friends. Every comment, every e-mail and every message via tumblr that I have received has shown me that there is friendship in this fandom that goes beyond the (sometimes frivolous) shared admiration and enjoyment of an (admittedly fabulous) actor’s talent and assets. More than ever I realize that there are *real* people behind the internet handle, and they are acting and reacting to what they read and see, even if it is not the As and Bs (abs and buns *ggg*) of Mr A…
This long and garbled intro is meant to lead to a heart-felt THANK YOU for the continued kindness and thoughts and best wishes and prayers you are sending my way. I appreciate all of it more than I can ever express in words! We are unfortunately not out of the woods yet. In fact things are not looking up at all, and my dad’s situation remains unchanged. There is little we can do – apart from waiting, a cruel game. In Limbo – held between the two poles called “Hope” and “Despair”. Wishing for an end to the uncertainty and yet afraid of *which* certainty is waiting for us. Every ring of the phone an adrenaline surge. A tonne-load of bricks in my stomach. The unbearably sweet sting of unspilled tears behind my eyes.
But your messages lift me up, give me hope and strength. Thank you so much for that. I find they really help me. As does the positive imagery and imagining of the comfort and warmth of a muscly strong embrace, holding my shoulder with soft authority, pulling me in and reassuring me with the presence of the ever-beating heart, tucking my head under a softly bearded chin, a framework to hold me up. Soft warm breath caressing my neck -in, out, in, out. Just reassuring me that there *is* life. It doesn’t matter that the image is not *real*, just as it doesn’t matter that I have not seen many of you in RL – your are *real* to me now, and I can feel your positivity hovering around me, enveloping me and bolstering me. The feeling counts. And I feel.
Thank you! And forgive the egocentricity.