I am very sad, but…I owe you an update. Unfortunately the news were bad. My dad died yesterday. It has been a horrific shock for me and my family as my father had not been ill – we had no opportunity to say good-bye, and that is a particular source of sadness for me.
However, I must tell you how overwhelmed I am by the continued show of support, the messages, comments and e-mails I have received from you, my FRIENDS in this fandom. We all have different ways of dealing with sorrow and grief, but for me reading your good wishes, and receiving your offers of prayer, and your virtual hugs and good vibes have been a huge consolation, distraction and source of energy. They have literally warmed my heart – which had been touched by the ice-cold hands of death. However silly and hippie-ish it may sound – the last few days I have felt cocooned in a white, soft cloud of love and positivity, almost like a shield that was trying to protect me from the dark thunder of grief. It is still there, and it is now making me smile through the fog of tears that are no longer unspilled. I cannot tell you how much consolation and strength your support, love and friendship has given and continues to give me. Your individual and combined messages are reminding me that there is joy and happiness, and that this world is a good one, even if occasionally thrown into turmoil by loss and tragedy. I can honestly say that I appreciate every single word of support that I have received, and that I truly think this fandom is a community of real people, of FRIENDS – even if we have never met in person. You are very real to me, as is your compassion and support. Thank you!
Is this possible in other fandoms, too? Maybe. Probably. But I think that there is a correlation between the man and the “well-wishers” he has inspired to get together. I *think* he is a nice, considerate, decent man, but I *know* you are a wonderfully kind-hearted, generous and compassionate group of people. You deserve each other. I really, really wish he’d know that there is a different dimension to our collective well-wishing than the mere extolling of his talent, character and physical assets. That there is tangible friendship, exchange of ideas, mutual support in matters that are not even related to “himself” – but hey, maybe he’d get jealous 😉 Ok, just kidding. That would automatically disqualify him from being our fandom “idol” *ggg*
Do I detect some cheeky fun in between the lines? Yes. The force of life is irrepressible, and after the tears the smiles will be back. Guess what: I was shopping today in a Euro shop (equivalent to Dollar Store), and I could not resist buying some sparkly flowers and beads… As long as the urge to create is still alive, I know I will be fine… You are all a huge help and I deeply appreciate the time and care you have taken with your messages, which I hope I will reply to properly at some point. For the time being, I am grateful and asking the universe to return the love you have given me tenfold! ❤ Thank you!
PS: I have had a fleeting look at some new images *corrrrrrrrrrrrrr* – and at some of the funny and original fan selfies from London. My concentration is not quite good enough yet to write an *ooof* (although I can feel the urge building), and I am currently holding off on keeping up with stage door encounters and newspaper articles just because I do not want to mix up the man with my current predominant feeling of grief. Armitaging is a happy occupation, and I want to keep it so. Let’s see how long I can stay away before the magnetic pull of the bearditage, smoulderitage, leatherjacketitage, chesthairitage and the whole bloody lovélitage gets too much 😉