Fans Wax Lyrical

I was idly watching the Sunday go by when for no apparent reason I remembered some fun fan poetry that I meant to post in a separate post long ago. Maybe today is the day, with nothing else happening? I really think you will have fun with some of this. And it goes to prove the point that it is well worth reading comment strands on posts. There are true gems to be found in there, honest.

So, we were going about our business on the comment thread of one of my *ooof*s over on me+r when inspiration struck and Kathy Jones started waxing lyrical. The context was an imagined male underwear collection called “The Line of Durin”, modelled by the Durin boys. And Kathy came out with this gem:

Ode to Pelts (Poetry Intervention)

There once was a man with a pelt,
Who sported a big shiny belt,
Though wearing much fur,
He was far from demure,
For his hotness resembled a smelt.

Kathy Jones

This was obviously a gauntlet flung at Hedgehogess’s feet. She rose to the challenge and responded with a poem of her own – in her native German.


Thorin in seinem Berge saß
und Kathy Jonesens Oden las.
Er wollte seinem Aug’ kaum trauen:
“Was mach’ ich nur mit diesen Frauen?!”

Doch die Idee kam ihm geschwind:
“Am besten ist’s, wenn ich sie bind’!”
Er ließ ein Lager vorbereiten,
mit starken Pfosten an den Seiten.

Dann griff er Kathy blitzeschnelle,
warf sie auf die weichen Felle,
band sie fest an den Pfosten an
– und stellte klar: Er ist ein Mann!


Before you scream murder and “language”!!! Yes, the rudeness of foreign language exclusivity was already addressed back then, and yours truly very inadequately translated Hedgehogess’s masterpiece into English:


Thorin in his mountain sat
Kathy Jones’s odes he read
He hardly dared believe his eyes,
“What to do with these wives?”

Quickly a thought entered his brain
“How about if they are restrained?”
He had a bed quickly set-up
strong posts at the sides held it up

He put Kathy under duress,
in the furs she was pressed
and he tied her to the frame,
to show her that he is a man.

To add insult to injury and self-reference to egocentricity Hedgehogess proceeded to write a little rhyme for Guylty. Back to German:

Als Künstler und als Fotografin
käm’s Guylty niemals in den Sinn,
ein Bild einfach nur anzusehen,
nein, sie muss es auch verstehen.

Pose, Blende, Schärfe, Tiefe –
nicht zu vergessen Perspektive –
reichlich wird’s analysiert
und gleich genauestens notiert.

Mit Adleraugen wird betracht’,
was sich ein Fotograf gedacht,
der Mr. A hat abgelichtet
– und dann ein Ficletchen gedichtet.

So ist denn Guylty ungerührt,
wenn sie uns in die Bildwelt führt.
Richard, Lucas, Thorin, Guy …
Ooof! thud Oh wei, oh wei.

In the interest of keeping Guylty grounded no English translation has been provided. Well, I’ll give you the last two verses, because they are evocative:

Richard, Lucas, Thorin, Guy …
Ooof! thud Oh my, oh my.


You must agree with me that this is pretty potent stuff. And that we have some poets amongst our select group of RA well-wishers. I wonder whether we could commission them to write a proper ode to RA or something like that? And what would we have to do in return??? In any case, how lovely to see creativity break out in the unlikeliest of places.

Guylty postsMaybe you feel inspired by Hedgehogess and Kathy Jones yourself? A little love-letter to ‘yer man’? You know, his birthday is coming up soon. Have you sent him your best wishes yet? Or consoled him for adding yet another year to his load? Or just congratulated him on his fabulous run as John Proctor? When I was in London two weeks ago, I posted a letter for an American friend. Here is an extremely rare sighting of Guylty, dropping the letter in the mail. She usually makes sure not to be caught on camera, for obvious reasons (careful, Guylty Proboscis in sharp profile):

Oh, and in case you don’t know how to address your letter, just click on this and you’ll see.

London (2)

Hurry – only five days to go! Happy Sunday, everyone ❤



90 thoughts on “Fans Wax Lyrical

  1. Bwahahahahah!!! I’m totally unable to do a rhyme to save my dear life, but the idea is too good not to go on! So go go go you RA poetesses, express your admiration for the man to celebrate his birthday (any clear reference to the actual age best be avoided… you know he’s still a 6 years old).
    And in that very nice pics of you I noticed a beautful necklace! Love it 😉


  2. Man, it’s times like these that I wish I would have paid more attention in my “German for Research” class! I have to admit that I’m in awe of poets and lyricists. I’m rarely at a loss for words, but if I sit down to try and write a little rhyme, or even a haiku, my mind goes completely blank. Keep it coming fan poets 🙂

    BTW…I couldn’t help but notice what lovely skin the personal postage agent has! (I also love her pendant.).


    • Love poetry myself, and yeah, shame on you because German is the language of poets and thinkers (or so a well-known German adage goes…) Nah. But anyway, I wish I could do it woth the ease of those two ladies!
      As for personal postage agent – good genes are everything *ggg*. And the pendant is so identifiable that my cover will be blown if any of my RL friends sees this *ggg*


      • It’s always bothered me that my German ancestors didn’t preserve the “mother tongue” when they emigrated, but I guess that in the mid 19th century, assimilation was prioritized over preservation as language went.

        Ah yes..unspoken rule of covert fan girling – no distinctive jewelry (or tattoos ) visible in pictures 🙂


        • I repeat what I said to micra:

          I’ve heard a lot of people say that they cannot rhyme. But: When they finally tried it was really well done.

          So don’t tell yourself that you “cannot do it” – just try! You’ll probably do a lot better than you expect. 🙂


        • Germans tend to be pretty good at assimilation, anyway… We try to ignore our roots as much as possible. At least nowadays…
          Damn – no covert fangirling for Guylty.
          BTW, I am disappointed no one has commented on the thumb shots :-D. And I took such great care with that.


          • I noticed your beautiful thumbs yet the bracelet first because I wear the same brand on my right arm 🙂 BTW, couldn´t anyone design a Mr. A bead, it exists already a Thorin one but that´s not clearly recognizable.
            Ich liebe Eure Schüttelreime, bin aber selbst so untalentiert auf dem Gebiet, dass es schon wehtut.


            • There is a Pandora Thorin????????????? Where? Must-have-immediately! And then, after that, I want a Guy, and a Lucas, and a Harry and a… OTOH, I could just buy myself an R and an A. They could join the C and the T for my children’s names…


              • Nachtigall ick hör dir trapsen …. Ich glaube definitiv nicht an Zufälle
                🙂 Und deshalb ist der Rückwärts-Pfeil auch nicht zufällig so prominent positioniert *schmunzel *


                  • Sieht so aus. Wohl beim rumtollen zugezogen, was? Da musst du schon demnächst ein bisschen mehr Sorgfalt an den Tag legen. Du bist schließlich vom Fach. Und der kritischen Kundschaft entgeht so leicht nichts 🙂
                    Lass uns jetzt bloß nicht anfangen noch Leberflecke zu zählen 😀


                    • Muss wohl beim Gerangel am Bühnenausgang passiert sein. Ich musste da ein paar aufdringliche Damen mit gezielten Handkantenschlägen und Unterarmschrauben außer Gefecht setzen.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Super -Guyrlty. Mit diesem tröstlichen Bild begebe ich mich ins Reich der Träume jedweder Art. Und du recherchier mal schön weiter Unterarme *freu*

                      Liked by 1 person

  3. EY!!!
    No gauntlet, absolutely not! Kathy’s ode was an inspiration. Hmpf!

    Aaaand you should have told your readers that the poem about you is about your much-admired professional stance when you explain to us all the details in photographs and photographers’ work. – Well, “professional stance” until Guy comes along. But who could blame you?! 😉

    OT: Wenn du mal wieder ooof!-st … Ich hätte da so eine Idee für ein zugehöriges Ficlet … Falls du an kleinen, feinen, gar-nicht-gemeinen Inspirationen interessiert bist?


    • Guylty als Post-Einwerferin finde ich übrigens klasse. 🙂
      (Also: Die Hilfe für einen anderen Fan, meine ich, nicht allein die viel zu viel verratenden Bilder. 😉 )


      • Always at my fandom friends’ service. That letter was not mine, it was someone else’s. As for my identity: Well, my friends would have to *know* where to look for me before they could identify me…


    • Sorry, yes, I misrepresented that :-). There was no competition involved, just playful teasing.
      And I love your interpretation of me, obviously, but modesty forbade any further comment *ggg*. As you said, I was already distracted by Guy’s appearance (in front of my mind’s eye)…
      Ficlet inspiration? Bring-it-on!!!!!


  4. Here is another wonderful poem of hedgehogess (in a not so wonderful translation), but I hope, you will enjoy it:

    Once it was a lovely day,
    cRAmerry and Guy do happy lay
    together munching cake and sweets
    romping under heavy sheets
    (Es war dereinst ein schöner Tag:
    cRAmerry neben Guy da lag,
    und beide konnten es nicht lassen
    sie mussten gründlich Kuchen fassen)

    But someones looking from afar
    who doesn’t find that “wunderbar”
    And round the corner comes a wife,
    it’s angry Guylty with a knife
    (In leider nicht so weiter Ferne
    sieht jemand das nicht gar so gerne
    cRAmerry guckt ziemlich entsetzt
    weil Guylty fies die Messer wetzt)

    Guy abruptly starts with running
    leaves cRAmerry standing stunning
    Denies of Guyliner, crops his hair
    that nobody knows him anywhere
    (Guy der nunmal kampferfahren
    weiß wann man muss Würde wahren –
    und wann man nurmehr flüchten kann
    Das tut er auch der tolle Mann
    Verzicht fortan auf den Guyliner
    ohne erkennt ihn nämlich keiner
    kürzt sich auch noch das lange Haar)

    One litte hedgehog hums a tune
    and lives a good life with him soon
    (lebt mit’nem Igel tralala……..)

    @hedgehogess ❤


  5. I had forgotten about those poems. It feels like my birthday, imaging being restrained on a fur covered bed by Thorin showing me he is a man? Are you kidding, my pulse is racing at the thought. Hedgehogess is very kind to put me in bed with Thorin. What a treat.

    Birthday Thoughts

    How will dear Richard, celebrate his special day?
    Will he have time, while being in a play?
    Maybe with a candle in a cupcake or two,
    Or a big dish of chocolate ice cream would do.
    What will he be thinking,behind his baby blues,
    Does his beard itch, or have his socks lost his shoes?
    As he moves quickly down the eager line,
    His icy eyes say, “You are forever mine.”
    You shiver under his azure gaze,
    And your surroundings dissolve into haze.
    The crowd has left, alone you wait for him.
    He is forever grateful, for teaching him to swim.


    • Oh Kathy, you should put that on a card and send it in!
      PS: Methinks the real birthday present is not for RA but for the lucky lady who teaches him to “swim” *ggg*


      • You think right. The poem was really a birthday present to all us fangirls, in disguise. We all like wet Richard. And we would also like some eye contact if we are lucky enough to be in the stage door line

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I came up with this when we first became acquainted with Richard’s beard at the Media Conference during the time when Peter J was ill and we were introduced to all the dwarves. I did post this somewhere at the time but I reiterate my apologies to Robert Burns, Scotland’s National Poet!

    Ode to a Beard.

    See yon brown beard that grows so fine,
    Could we but with our hands entwine
    Those silken strands.

    Alas, for us ’tis but a dream,
    There’s lands and oceans in between,
    But hope still stands!

    I totally surprised myself at the time as I had never written anything like it before. The fact that the words seem to flow so easily amazed me too. Must have been Richard’s influence! 😉 I hope you don’t mind me posting it here.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Das kannst du so aber auch nicht sagen. Poetry of Pain ts ts…. Eher Poetry of Karneval und zwar direkt aus der Bütt 🙂
        Ansonsten gilt, wenn der Reim nicht paßt , wird er passend gemacht. Notfalls mit grammatikalischer Gewalt. Satzbau und Rhythmik werden ganz klar überbewertet! Freiheit den Worten 🙂


    • I think I am going to write another post because three more poems were added overnight, here in the comments.
      As for Guylty herself – you see me and you don’t 😀


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