Epic Epic Epic

This is not a news blog. I don’t post clips and rarely become topical but I have to do this today. I am quite overwhelmed by this:


Quite frankly, I think Sir Peter has misnamed the film. It should be called AFTT – A Farewell to Thorin. Well, at least the trailer gives that impression. What a feast for Thorin lovers this is. All the images of Thorin in this trailer are just simply beau-ti-ful! I had goosepimples from the beginning to the end, and on the basis of that I can already say that I will probably have to be removed from my seat in the cinema with a blow torch on account of being frozen all over. It simply looks epic, battle scenes included, and I suspect that PJ’s 48 fps gimmick will really come into its own in this final instalment of the Hobbit trilogy.

And as if the epicness of the trailer didn’t make me tearful enough, I then come across Armitage’s tweet from last night.

What a dear man. Do all stars do this kind of thing, thanking their director and producers and giving credit with such kindness? The “Love Rich” (sic – Richard, you really have to brush up on your punctuation! I mean, I have no problem following your command to love you, but I suspect you had a different message in mind) had me in bits! Mr A may have copped on to the power of Social Media self-promotion, but he does it with such deflecting kindness that my cynicism regarding marketing is shot to pieces… I never react to RCArmitage’s tweets, but this time I could not help but click “favorite”…

Like so many fans, I am torn between grieving over the impending end of the trilogy, and not being able to wait for it. It will be hard to watch Thorin xxxxxxxxxxxxx [censored for spoiler] but he will xxxxxxx the most beautiful king… We may need a lot of AU fan fiction to recover… And I feel very much affirmed that Kelly’s Thorin Project has been a fantastic idea – judging from RA’s own expressions of sentiments on the film our reflections on the lasting impression that Thorin is leaving with Richard’s fans will be timely and topical. The deadline for the Thorin Project has been reached, btw, the quotes are in, and the last edits are being done right now. Teaser:

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On that note, I am also ringing in another round of Thorin-appreciation with the continuation of the Fans Wax Lyrical series. Thorin has not only nose, he also has ear 😉

Ode to the Ears by Hedgehogess (and Guylty)
Thorin Oakenshield character poster for The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies, 2014

Thorin Oakenshield character poster for The Hobbit – Battle of the Five Armies, 2014

Majestic ears hold high the crown
without the two, it would fall down.
The crown, lying ’round kingly neck?
All dwarves will think: “Oh, what the heck?!
Our King is looking really strange!
What’s wrong with him, is the deRAnged?”

So strong those ears, nothing compares
the crown sits fast, cushioned by hairs.
It is, however, such a shame
that ears are hidden – oh how lame,
for in the event of snogging scandals
they provide two perfect handles.

Oh yes, it is indeed a shame
to hide those ears under the mane!
Maybe there’s a reason to hide
them out of women sight?
To keep them out of their reaches?
They let the girls all think of peaches.

Women admire well-formed fruits
but realise they drive them nuts.
So their gaze wanders up his back
till they reach the Kingly neck.
His Majesty’s wild strong mane
they grab both gently and insane,
and tie it into a pony tail –
the lust for ears once more prevail’.

The beauty, now for all to see,
makes weak a lot of women’s knees.
They want to pet, to lick, to bite,
whatever serves the King just right.
They’ll do it all enthusiastic,
because – let’s talk here realistic:
His Majesty’s majestic ears
let ovaries go up in flares.

Ode to Thorin’s Ears by Kathy Jones

Those hidden ears of twin perfection,
His flowing locks prevent detection.
Would his ears respond to a gentle nibble?
I am drawn to them like dogs to kibble.

Just a glimpse, here and there,
Peeking out from tons of hair.
Passion makes them blush so red,
They glow in the dark, so it is said.

Alas, I fear we can never be sure,
From fond assaults his ears are pure.
Perhaps a peek of just one shell-like ear,
Would be enough to give us cheer.

For Thorin’s ears remain elusive,
Shy, hidden and quite reclusive.
Hiding beneath his long extensions,
They display hermit-like pretensions.
His ears are tempting, this is so.
I must seek comfort in Manilow.

66 thoughts on “Epic Epic Epic

  1. Just when it seems that fangirling over Guylty has reached its apex, she goes and takes it even higher! You have such a great sense of humour and an incredible ability to bring us all in together. Thank you for that! Thank you for the smiles and the giggles and the heavy sighs and touching our hearts and I will never look at his ears the same way again 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wonderful post. I never cry in movies, but I suspect I may break my rule … I even welled up on my first viewing of the trailer. I will have to take more notice of his ears ..lol … Thorin’s are a little different from the ‘real thing’ which look more elvish :-). Thanks for making me smile.

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    • Oh, I totally blub in movies. Hell, I even cry in animated films when bambi dies… I expect to be inconsolable after BOFA. When I read the book with my daughter two years ago, I had to stop because I could not see the text for the tears in my eyes…
      We need some more hair-throwing in BOFA so that we can drool over the ears…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Guylty!!! Den epic Trailer (vorfreuen oder schniefen, das ist die Frage …) mit den Ohren-Gedichten in Verbindung zu bringen …!

    Du bist UN_mög_lich! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So much to love in this post Guylty, thank you! Your sentiments about the trailer – and Richard’s tweet – echoed my own feelings. He never disappoints.

    I had every intention of contributing to Project Thorin and spent a lot of time trying to put my feelings about him into words without any success. It looks wonderful – you and Kelbel have done a great job getting this underway, and my thanks to all who contributed. What a lovely gift for. Richard it will be. Any chance we will get to see your photographs G? 🙂

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    • He really doesn’t (disappoint). And that always surprises me and makes me wonder: Is it really because he is extraordinary or is because I have lost all rhyme and reason when it comes to him? Whatever, I do think that BOFA looks pretty good so far, and I trust PJ will have thrown *everything* at the last instalment of his Middle-Earth oeuvre. Can’t wait.
      As for Project Thorin – I can totally see the difficulty with expressing your feelings about him. I found that difficult, too, and only put two short quotes in for myself. I quite like the idea of the project, and was really pleased that so many people contributed. I do hope that it will get to him and give him an idea that we appreciate how he made Thorin come alive.
      My photographs – hm, I suppose I could stick some into a gallery here. I am never much enamoured with my photography. Expectations too high…

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  5. You know, I spent the entire first film sliding off my seat every time Thorin was on screen. I suspect it will be the same for this film. I’ll be quite the show – tears and oil slicks.

    That Tweet – did me in. Just did me in.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think this film will be the absolute culmination in terms of Thorin appreciation. I was kind of affectionately fond of Thorin in the first film, and then sort of touched in the second. But this one will be full-on Thorin love, dragon sickness or no.
      The tweet: I literally choked and awww-ed at the same time *wipes tear from eye*

      Liked by 2 people

      • I typically stay away from his Twitter. Horrible thing to admit, but true. I figure I’ll see it on tumblr. i’ve favorited on a few things (that being one) and commented early on once or twice, but then my twitter life returned to normal – rarely there and somewhere to contain in under 140 characters, my grumpiness. This film will do me in. Completely.

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        • You are absolutely right – the tweets filter through, anyway. I typically do not get the tweets straight away, anyway, because I refuse to set notifications for that. That would feel a bit too close to the bone for me. But I enjoy catching up every once in a while. I have to admit though that I am spending much more time on twitter than I did before…

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          • I couldn’t resist. I have notifications turned on just for his tweets, and when I hear that chirp from my mobile I grin like an idiot. “It’s Richard!” 😀

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          • Same here. I’ve been known to go months and months and months….

            And really, Twitter is my ‘let it all hang out politically’ place. Now I’m having to be… nice. Well, nicer than I normally am…

            Okay, I have to be tolerable. And not beastly.

            It hurts for me NOT to be beastly somewhere…

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              • He was ‘drunk twittering and discussing politics’ last week.

                (Actually not really much. I’m not familiar with the writings of the person he was mildly ranting on, so I just let it go and made a note to move her stuff closer to the top.)

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                • That “drunk” accusation makes me laugh every time. Just because he says something that we might disagree with doesn’t mean he’s out of his mind… But well, that’s the side-effect of communicating in 140 characters…

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                  • It was a tongue in cheek joke/reference to the Anglophile interview where he said he didn’t have a twitter because he was afraid of getting drunk and discussing politics… and we are kinda sorta discussing politics… I honestly found it funny.

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                    • Oh, that’s where all that “he must be drunk” stuff comes from. Duh. I had not put two and two together there. Mind you, I have only watched that interview once and am not very familiar with it…

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                    • I’ve only watched it the one time, but that stuck out. A lot stuck out actually… but yeah, he seemed completely aghast that he should get a twitter and that was his biggest fear.

                      Needless to say… heh

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  6. I am so enjoying these poems! Next an ode to the beard, pleeeeze? Or maybe the lips. Easier to rhyme 🙂
    He does indeed look good in the trailer, but I am surprised that Smaug didn’t put in an appearance.

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  7. Wieviele Beiträge für das Thorin-Prokjekt habt ihr denn beisammen? Hast du das schonmal irgendwo erwähnt? Ich war auch ganz kurz am Hirnen, musste dann aber der ernüchternden Tatsache ins Auge sehen, dass Thorin/Tolkien mal grade Null Einfluss auf mich und mein Leben hat 😉 Habe dann beschlossen, dass es auch mal prima ohne meinen Senf geht. Es gibt sicher genug Damen, die da mit sehr viel Herzblut dabei sind. Ich hoffe, dass mir der Übergabe haut alles so hin wie geplant. Wer soll das wann und wo übergeben? Erledigst du das? 😀

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  8. ohh this mearly escaped me as i thought you were just being another victim of the trailer :-p I didn’t realise about the tweet until much later! love Rich indeed 😀 he’s so bloody adorable! (excuse my enthusiasm) The trailer is amazing, like a full in detailed story, soosos much to look forward to and to fear at the same time. I do cry but i may be just to wound up this time with tension and excitement to do so the first time. Since i haven’t read the books i don’t actually know what is happening and i’m happ to stay as spoiler free as i can until December.
    The ears were a surprise! your girls Hodgess, Kathy and Guylty have great minds 🙂 and somebody better keep that poor man away from your fingers and teeth!!

    I think i watched the first few min a couple ten times more than even the rest, those eyes! I know he hates water but all i kep thinking was ‘aqua’ ‘aqua’ ‘aqua’ as in the most deep, intense and mysterious ocean. How he can express so much feeling with just his eyes is totally beyond me!
    And i think you’re onto something.. it’s both that he’s extraordinary and we’ve lost all reason long ago 🙂

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    • He really conveyed so much just with his eyes – well done, Mr A, you really are good 🙂
      And hey, yes, I *am* a victim of the trailer. And psssst – thanks to you I now also have the trailer at my disposal *any* time 😀
      The tweets – what can one say? He is just wonderful. Honestly, I didn’t think it would be like that…

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      • I didn’t think his tweets would be like this too didn’t think he’d keep at it gently but constantly. Quite the character wicked sense of humour like his reminders about the charities and serious streak too and the odd breakthrough of sweetness and kindness for not too much interaction a quite complex and ever endearing human picture
        Forgot to load trailer on mobile will watch again when home 🙂

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        • Yes, I like his witty humour, the way he likes to play with language in his hashtags is hilarious. I have to say that he has really risen in my estimation since he started promoting himself – and therefore giving a bit more away of himself – on Twitter.

          Liked by 1 person

  9. ah yes, love the Thorin project thanks to both for such hard work! i can’t wait to see it 🙂 and hope he does the decent thing and puts it not on his coffee table but under his pillow :-p

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    • Hahaha, under his pillow. Well, I doubt it, but if he keeps it on his bedside table for a couple of evenings for leafing through it, *that* would be fabulous.
      It’s going to be a true once-off book, though. We haven’t decided yet whether it’ll be put online. I’ll keep you posted.

      Liked by 1 person

        • Very good point – but the quotes are not followed by the name of the contributor but there is a list of contributors at the end of the book. We did that in order to keep the focus strictly on the sentiment, and away from the “fans”.

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  10. wow, der trailer sagt ja einiges aus, erstmal war ich sprachlos! Es tröstet der Gedanke, dass es ja jetzt nur noch wenige Wochen sind bis wir das Gesamtkunstwerk “erleben” dürfen. ❤
    Euer Gedicht – wie immer einen wunderbaren *Grinser* wert!

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    • Ja, der Trailer haut ziemlich rein. Ich saß hier mit einem Gänsehautschauer nach dem anderen und musste mich nach dem Anschauen erstmal sammeln. Zur Ablenkung surfte ich zu Twitter rüber – um da dann den Rest zu kriegen. Full onslaught. Mannomann…
      Die Gedichte sind klasse – die Army ist begabt!

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  11. I don’t generally like trailers but this one oh my… I never once looked to see how much longer it was (a habit of mine.)

    Very entertaining and creative poems! Well done Hedgehogess, Guylty and Kathy 😀

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  12. LOL! The odes to the ears are fabulous 😉 I’ve always loved them. Maybe you can turn your joint talents to the contemplation of the eyelashes?

    The project is looking fantastic! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • oooh, eyelashes. That’s a fabulous idea. The Armitage eyelashes are in a league of their own. Really, I can’t believe it is legal for a man to have such beautiful lashes. It’s quite offensive, really…

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I was prepared for a few months now about the sadness of the 3rd movie (not only for Thorin but even Kili and Fili too) but now looking at this trailer I think it will be much worse than what I was suspected. And the song (which made me already cried in the Lord of The RIng) is beautiful but is literally breaking my heart. (Still crying for Bambi myself).
    About the tweet I am not surprised. This is our man. This is “Mr Thank You”. The man who offers flowers to ordinary people and chocolates to the cameramen. He is just perfect and if other people don’t agree with me it’s not my problem. Just “Keep Calm and Love Rich”. LOL.
    The poems : well done and funny and Bravo for the Thorin Project. I hope he will enjoy it. Just imagine RA turning the pages with his beautiful hands and his shy little smile…O.K. I stop this is dangerous for ovaries.
    “Will you follow me one last time ?”. Yes Thorin we will follow you and cry for you all around the world.

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    • Mr Thank You – how fitting. Always the gentleman, always positive, always generous with praise and with a huge portion of humour thrown in. I really am a fan of his Twitter persona! Keep calm and love Rich – I love it, Katia! http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/keep-calm-and-love-rich-699/
      Oooh, I don’t dare imagine him reading the book… I hope he will enjoy it. It’s meant to be non-cringy, that’s why we strictly focussed on Thorin, not Richard himself.
      Thanks for commenting xxx

      Like

  14. Pingback: Armitage Weekly Round-up – tumblr edition #41-42 | GUYLTY PLEASURE

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