Choices

/ June 12, 2015

This post will enter the annals of “the most difficult to write blogs” and certainly has already won the award for “most revised draft” in the history of Guylty Pleasure. Ten pages of handwritten notes, crossed out, highlighted, asterisked. Countless e-mails BTS with various well-wishing friends, across platforms. A strategic retreat to remote and cellularly challenged Inishbofin island, pondering implications of and response to Richard Armitage’s appeals re. cyberbullying. (As Richard himself once said – there really *are* places in this world Ireland where there is no mobile reception – and thank cod for that!). If anything, this should tell even the super-est of superfans that I afford Mr Armitage an amount of time and thought that is usually only bestowed on my nearest and dearest. To spell it out – that is a compliment and a sign of appreciation, not of criticism or disfavour. And yet it took me a while to come to a conclusion on his new-found voice and the tune it is singing.  

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Environment conducive to pondering, wondering and wandering. Recommended.

Is there any doubt  that Richard’s cause is noble and applaudable? There is no choice when it comes to evaluating charitable work. It is unreservedly wonderful to see a public figure take a passionate interest and actively promote positive engagement within the online-world. No question!

But there are choices when it comes to interpreting and articulating a response to the finer details of one individual’s POV, especially when that individual has as much clout and credit with me as Richard has. An opinion is an opinion. A personal POV, not a law, a rule or a regulation for correct fan-girling. Reading Richard’s post on cyberbullying is “hearing other voices”, but not necessarily listening (as in “obeying”) to it. I have a choice. In this matter as much as in any other online interaction.

I can choose to let my own opinion be informed, affected and motivated by his. I can choose to respond publicly. I can choose to engage in respectful interaction – which includes constructive criticism. And I can choose not to feel addressed by, or even extricate myself from an interaction or a topic that is threatening my equilibrium or is hurtful to me personally. Most importantly of all, I can choose to resist against being bullied into one POV or another or against being silenced, I can choose to not engage, and I can choose to seek help or to surround myself with sympathetic people.

It’s my own choice. In this matter as in all other online interaction. *I* choose not to interpret Richard’s message as intended to chastise my personal online conduct, I choose not to dissect Richard’s words any further, apart from saying that I see an underlying message of positivity which I wish wasn’t obscured by some mixed metaphors, a confusing vagueness over the appropriate addressees of the appeal, and a regrettable lack of practical advice. My *own* life experiences inform me, that the message is positive, nevertheless. I choose to focus on the positivity: the empowerment to regain control and take responsibility for my own online happiness. That may include withdrawing from certain Social Media platforms and will certainly heighten my sense of self-censorship. But hey, we all have a talent for intelligence – a challenge is a change for the better.

And now I’d like to please go back to concentrating on that which unites us. The appreciation of art and beauty as expressed by and in the talent and shape of Richard Armitage, actor and good person – not policy maker, sociologist or internet-expert.

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Guylty self-critically says “I may be an ass – but cogito, ergo sum”

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132 thoughts on “Choices”

  1. You chose to say just enough to communicate the essence of your opinion on this. I may be wrong, but IMO, dissension in the fandom strikes you particularly hard – you being our fandom friendship ambassador, perhaps more well suited of that role than . . .

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    • Empathy is a bitch ;-). Or a curse. (I probably should not say that because it is central to Richard’s appeal.) I find disharmony extremely difficult to deal with – because it makes taking a stand very difficult for people pleasers. I do not want to assume any position whatsoever. I just want people to be happy – or to at least coexist peacefully.

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      • Oh my goodness… these words could have been written by me about myself! …’find disharmony difficult’… ‘people pleaser’… ‘want people to be happy’… ’empathy is a bitch’… It’s why I steer clear of this myself as well and as usual I am in the middle about it all…

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          • I love you. This post is exactly what I feel on this whole topic. I’m definitely in the “people pleaser” group. My admiration of RA just grew as I know the courage it took him to put himself out there.

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            • Very glad my post resonated with you, RAfan 😉 And since we are both people pleasers ;-), may I say without any intention of hurting you (or the person I am talking about) that I didn’t think he was any more courageous than you, or I, or any other blogger/commenter who puts an opinion out there in the public? I applaud him for his charitable endeavours, and I definitely am with him on the positivity message, though.

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  4. Wie schön, dass du wieder da bist! 🙂

    Ich hatte mir ernsthaft Sorgen gemacht, dass dich das neuste Drama schwer getroffen hat – vielleicht zu schwer – und bin froh, dass du wieder da bist. ❤

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    • Vielen Dank. Und ich würde lügen, wenn ich sagen würde, dass mich das Drama nicht berührt hätte. Ich habe lange gerungen und abgewägt, wo meine Prioritäten liegen. Und dann entschieden, dass ich die Kontrolle selber in der Hand habe. Leider hat der lange Prozess der Entscheidungsfindung eine unerwünschte Signalwirkung gehabt. Nur deshalb hab ich das hier überhaupt noch mal thematisiert. Mit größtem Unmut angesichts der zahlreichen Erwähnung der 1. Person Singular.

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      • Ich habe den Text gründlich studiert, und ich habe keine unpassende Person namens Singular da drin gefunden. Nur dich und deine Meinung, und das ist dein gutes Recht. 😉

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        • Scheiß Selbstkritik und dämlicher Entschuldigungsfimmel. Ich brauch ne Therapie! (Shit, ist das jetzt auch schon wieder selbstkritisch? Ich dreh hier noch ab…)

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          • Alles wird gut …! Hier, nimm dir’n Keks. *Köpfchen tätschel*

            Vielleicht überlässt du es einfach uns, darüber zu entscheiden, ob du irgendwie “selbstbezogen” wirkst. Das ist nämlich nicht automatisch der Fall, nur weil mal jemand seine Meinung äußert. Und eigene Meinungsäußerungen sind üblicherweise dadurch gekennzeichnet, dass jemand aus seiner oder ihrer Sicht darstellt – ohne “ich” geht das nur sehr kompliziert mit “man”, und das lädt zu Missverständnissen ein.

            Übrigens: The-RA-Pie brauchen wir alle. 😉

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              • Vielleicht sollte ich es mal so versuchen: Es ist mutig und beweist Stärke, deine Gefühle und deine Reaktionen so offen und ehrlich darzustellen und deine Meinung zu vertreten. Erst recht, weil du ein harmoniebedürftiger Mensch bist.

                Da musst du dir nicht noch zusätzlich Befürchtungen aufladen, dass irgendwas daran als “selbstbezogen” rüberkommen könnte. Tut es nämlich nicht. Okay? ❤

                Und jetzt muss ich erst mal weg vom Rechner. Schönen stressfreien restlichen Tag noch. 🙂

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  5. Wer ist jetzt der Esel? Du, Er oder Ihr beide? Oder ist der Esel Dir einfach nur beim spazieren gehen begegnet? Der guckt auch schon so fragend….
    Bin froh, dass Du auch wieder online schreibst ❤

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  7. Well done, du Meisterin der klaren Worte. 😉
    Was für ein schnuckeliger Esel: lese ich da Mitleid in seinem Blick? Der denkt sich wahrscheinlich: Mensch, Mensch, Mensch !!!!

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  8. I respect your need for harmony. This isn’t where I’m going personally, but I want you to know that even though I can’t subscribe to that message that “we are all one” either as a general or specific description of the fandom, I will always respect and love you. I ceased to believe in fandom unity or harmony when it became clear to me that any notion of fandom unity based on majority sentiment would automatically exclude me about three quarters of the time. This was actually a freeing realization to me as it dampened the voices in my head that were always urging me to think of what fans might think before I posted. But I understand that not everyone is going there. I think we can disagree and not be in harmony every single second and still have fun, and I hope that is (still, again?) true.

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    • You know, my need for harmony is a curse, rather than a blessing, but it has never really extended to controversial debate. I don’t need harmony of opinion; I need the harmony of conduct. Your opinion, I acknowledge, even if different or opposite of mine, is just as valid, and expressing and exchanging controversial ideas does not automatically exclude you or anyone else from my appreciation or estimation. It’s the “how” that counts, not the “what”. For that reason I can easily see myself being friends within the fandom with fans who hold opinions on Richard that are decidedly not my own – as long as we can agree to disagree. Isn’t that also part of the idea of the “human condition” which RA has conjured up in his text?
      As for unity – I confess I am an idealist, not a realist, as much as I try. You can’t beat the socialist/dreamer/soppy old bat out of the girl *ggg*. But on that matter I feel the same as above – we can view the idea from opposite sides. And we can deal with it according to our own needs and experiences.
      Besides – debate livens up the interaction. It’s good for the brain. I *need* debate as much as I need harmony. I just don’t need the emotions and the sectarianism that are artificially grafted onto it.
      And disagreement or not – I am interested in what *you* have to say, I like how you say it, and I will always appreciate the person who says it.

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      • So well stated, Guylty, and I couldn’t agree more! I love point-counterpoint, yet I am also deeply troubled if anyone doesn’t feel welcome & cared for in my spheres of influence. So I’m there too 🙂 I think hearing differing opinions is really important & sometimes helps keep me from making an ass of myself. (Although sometimes that seems to be my destiny… 😀

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        • I am with you on all that. And I hope it comes across that I have no problem with debate, in fact, I love critically assessing things and throwing arguments back and forth. It was just in this particular issue that I felt unable to respond in that way. Heck, I couldn’t respond in *any* way, at first. Luckily that feeling has subsided, and I can even feel the beginnings of a need to join in the discussions that I had chosen to avoid until now.
          Hey, I have not seen you make an ass of yourself! But if so – greetings from one ass to another 😀

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          • Oh, I know you love the debate & analysis too, it definitely comes across. 🙂 I’ve been late to this party too, partly because that’s just my current M.O., and partly because it’s been like an overload to me… pulled this way and that, always sifting more. I’ll probably continue to feel that way too….
            I loved that donkey pic too! 😀 And since the shoe quite often fits, I thought I might as well put it on! Haha! I think you are the furthest possible from such, though, sweetie. ❤

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  9. Well done, darling friend. Well done. As someone who hates internet wank and drama and longs for peace and harmony, but herself (me) is anything but peaceful and harmonic… well, therein lies my problem. You are the wonderful grove and garden of butterflies and birdsong.

    Geeeez… I’m waxing poetic. Maybe it’s a sign the muses are about to invade my life.

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    • *chuckles* I am trying to decide whether a metaphor coming from hard-hitting, scary Zee 😉 is to be taken as a compliment or a only a backhander 😉 No worries, I am joking. That whole Big Mama Bear personality thing is the bane of my existence.
      And I hope the muses invade forcefully. Preferably the leather-clad, mulleted one. He’s the perfect antidote to groves, gardens and butterflies 😉

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      • Scary? Me??? I’m gentle as a lamb…

        (one with claws and fangs)

        The muses have been painfully silent for a month. Strangely, the ones that speak the most are wanting to jump ahead – apparently Gary needs sex, even if it’s a wet dream and the leather clad mulleted one is ready to jump forward a few hundred years and take on a most deadly ghostly form. He’s quite angry. And I have readers ready to strangle me because I left Hers off at a rather nasty cliffie…. and if thye’d just go back and reread chapter 3, they’d get it!

        But right this moment, I need to head to the store for chocolate cake mix. I’m making my infamous ‘kitty litter cake’ for a family gathering this weekend…

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        • Could somebody please draw you an avatar, featuring a fluffy kitten with nine inch nails??
          What’s wrong with wanting to jump ahead? Maybe the muse knows best? Or maybe you have to allow the muses to get their wet dreams/deadly ghosts now, so that you can then go back and write the interim chapters. They should be happy/busy/sated, having been granted their wishes…
          Kitty litter cake – I am not sure whether I find that a truly appetizing name. Unless “litter” stands for “group of cat siblings” rather than “feline loo”…

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          • quick answer – it’s dinner time – I just posted piccies of the kitty litter cake on my wordpress…. as well as my Tumblr. I’ve… uhm… well I’m trying to make nice with people.

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          • Can the nails be painted some funky color????

            I don’t think I’m all that… scary…

            There isn’t anything wrong with jumping ahead. i have a few things written out of order for The Shepherd. Right now I feel like I’m catering to Roland and Ghost Soul Guy and Gary…

            Ghost Soul Guy has been playing in my head for several days and… that’s NOT going to be a pretty segment. At all. He is all about protecting his family

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          • Gary and Deidre are going to be awhile getting together. It’s just… how it is. And it typically takes me forever to write a sex scene so it’s not unusual for me to start early on the actual scene itself. And Gary is VERY different from Guy… ’nuff said!

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            • I confess I don’t end up taking much time for fanfic (i.e. hardly any) but this was an EXTREMELY fast, great read!! What was available at the time anyway…. And I’m not surprised. Gary’s a deliberate sort of man ❤ So anyway, thanks for the news! And the reminder to check back 🙂

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              • I’ve never been a ‘novella’ type of person – actually, My Rider outtakes have been in the 45K range, as was Loving Gin – my Thorin fic. My BIG Guy of Gisborne fic (now finished) is 370K words and it’s a roller coaster ride.

                I’m not sure how long Gary’s tale is going to be word wise. I know it will go through the last day of school, but how long it takes to get there, is up to the Muses. I didn’t think Guy would make it to 75K…

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  10. Thank you for your positive message, S. I believe we are indeed united by our love for this man’s talents and charming personality, as well as his physical beauty. I see his involvement with Cybersmile as a genuine desire to help many who feel alone, despondent, even scared. He understand that not everyone has a strong support system around them and – even if they do – they are afraid to speak up. Richard does not strike me as the type of person who believes he’s a know-it-all whose words must be held as Scripture by his well-wishers. He finds himself in a position to be heard and though he’s flawed like all of us, he has decided to put himself out there in hopes of effecting some change.

    Like you, I long for everyone to live in harmony; but I’ll settle for civility and the collective joy of us seeing Richard continue to succeed in his professional life while striving to help others any way be can.

    A happy weekend to you and everyone else here. Your photograph has made me wish I could be in Ireland!

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    • I think positivity is the smallest common denominator we can all take from his piece. Hence my focus on it. I do not pretend to know what he thinks, how he approaches interactions or what his motivations for his new calling are. I have my ideas and opinions on that, of course, but yeah, I choose to simplify the discussion (a discussion, btw, which he has inadvertantly complicated) in order to get what *I* need in this fandom. Having said that – I am glad that others have more critical savvy than me. It’s not wrong to debate and discuss. It’s just wise to choose one’s battles carefully. And I am not sure whether RA has quite found the best battleground for himself, yet…

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  12. Glad you’re back online 
    Again you wrote a well thought out post I enjoyed reading. And I recognize much of what you say.
    By the way, Inishbogan definitely looks like an island worth visiting.

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    • Took a while to sort through it, I guess. I am glad when my thoughts are shared (in parts) by others.
      Inishbofin is absolutely stunning. Lunar, lush, wild. It’s the neighbouring isle to Inishturk, btw, where some of “Pilgrimage” had been filmed! (I might do post some OT photos, now that I have got my thoughts off my chest.)

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  13. You and I seem to be of similar minds on this issue…(shocking right?) While I can see the difficulties and inconsistencies, and I think they are worthy of consideration, it’s not an issue that *I* choose to debate much at the moment.

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    • Bombshell shocker!! except that you have been much quicker on the uptake than I was.
      The difficulties and inconsistencies are still much on my mind, too. I hope to be able to discuss those objectively and constructively. Ideally with the person who needs to clarify a few things. But well, that’s not going to happen…

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      • That really seems to be the inherent problem here…we can all go around and around about what he meant or “should have said,” but nobody can clear those things up effectively but the source, and the source is relatively inaccessible for clarity. So here we are.

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  14. Welcome back. Your message of positivity is appreciated here. I need to put the brakes on and separate the messenger (lovely man who usually brightens my day) and a muddled message (a little off putting but coming from the right place). I never go to the dark side (twiiter, tumblr ect.) so I miss most of the worst things that occur, at least I think I do. Thanks for all you write and create and keeping things on the lighter side. A week without the internet is probably like getting a detoxing treatment in a spa. But more fun and less expensive.

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    • Yep, don’t shoot the messenger, or even the originator of the message. I agree with a lot of things that have been critically said about the piece, and I even have things of my own to add. But without disrespect – without his own response to the arguments laid at his feet, the discussion is missing an important ingredient. It’s still valid, it still adds something to our own understanding of the issue(s), but yeah, at this point I am more of an observer than a participant.
      A week without the internet should be made mandatory 😀 It does wonder for perspective 😉

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  16. I am gladdened to see you back on WordPress. I totally agree that while there wasn’t much in the way of practical advice, and while it was indeed vague to the point of head-scratching at times, it was still a message of positivity and a somewhat unprecedented “opening up” on Richard’s part, and for those reasons, I appreciated it. I have long known that I am a rather non-confrontational person (a people-pleaser) by nature and have the tendency to just hope we can all rub along peacefully. I can see how that tendency could be damaging in some situations, but am fortunate enough in my family and loved ones that I don’t often have cause to confront others. It would be tough to be a people pleaser surrounded by abusers, but I’m not, so I don’t feel I ought to have to change my basic constitution. I agree that in situations like this, where RA has opened himself up to debate, there’s nothing inherently wrong with debate as long as we keep it civil.

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    • Let’s just say that I agree on your point about the positivity and disagree on the issue of opening up. Or of him actively welcoming or fostering debate. But that is a probably a matter of individual perception. It just proves to me that we all have our own, personal interpretation of him in our minds, and choose to see what we need to see. Having said that – I did think that the post was a reminder that there is a human behind the Twitter handle (or behind the carefully crafted public image). I am all for iconoclasm, though. Reminds me that we are all equal despite our differences.

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  17. Superbly well written and a sentiment I agree with. Why ignore the general message of positivity (which is not flawless but far from catastrophic), instead choosing to reach for and fixate on anything negative one could possibly think about his involvement with CyberSmile? Unless what one needs from fandom is a miserable environment of deathly seriousness and endless nitpicking over every detail, I don’t really see the point.

    Yes, there may be a few things he could have worded better, but the way some fans talk – supposedly in the spirit of reasonable criticism yet somehow always from a point of emotional projection – you would think Richard has turned into the Internet Thought Police, turning fangirls against each other (as if they don’t happily do so on their own without any semblance of an excuse) and ordering people how to conduct themselves online. Is it terrible if I find that silly? I have nothing against sharing differing views, but i think sometimes people would do well to go outside and learn to breathe once in a while. Hopefully, they wouldn’t go right back inside to complain about the trees being overly green. xD

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    • Thanks for sharing your thoughts here, Antonina. You obviously also feel very strongly about the issue, possibly also a bit emotionally affected by the discussion that Richard has (inadvertantly?) instigated, judging by your choice of words?
      Personally I do not think that discussion and criticism should be seen as a divisive issue. Aren’t we all fans – with different perceptions of RA and different opinions, but engaging in the same “hobby”? I am not saying we have to all love each other. But to allow everyone their own brand of fangirling as an expression of positive energy.

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      • I admit I can get irritated if I feel like there’s an unnecessary fuss being made, but it’s still nothing to lose sleep over, really. I’m responsible for whatever I feel, which is part of the point I try to make and probably fail at.
        I believe you’re completely right in that discussion and criticism need not be a wall between fans, but I suppose there is disagreement on what constitutes reasonable discussion/criticism versus what falls into the realm of excessive hand-wringing and snide commentary on Richard, which is the sort of negative energy no one welcomes unless they already harbor it. That is also where I start to “facepalm”, because inside a fandom is naturally the worst place to express unpleasant opinions regarding that fandom’s subject, and even fair criticism tends not to be tolerated for long. I might get away with calling some fan behavior silly, but if for some reason I wanted to complain about Richard Armitage specifically, I would expect to step on a lot of toes. It’s like what you said, the one thing that unites us is that we are here to appreciate the art and beauty of RA – not so much to entertain the critics and people venting off negativity.

        Lest I sound like I’m contemptuous of the RA fandom, I’ve met many kind people in it and actually never had any unpleasant dealings with another fan, so I truly think most of them don’t have bad attitudes. I’m content, even if occasionally a bit put off.

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  18. Thanks for your post – very much appreciated! Ach, und ich liebe Esel; mögen sie grau- oder braunhaarig sein oder mit zwei oder vier Beinen ausgestattet! *hugs*

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    • Thanks for reading it, Andrea!
      Und Esel sind putzige Tiere, oft missverstanden, vor allem die dunkelhaarigen besonders süß. Ups, ich bin blond – gibt’s auch blonde Esel??? 😉

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          • Also ich war da heute nachmittag bereits angelangt. 😉
            Aber solangen sie so herzig daherkommen und so dusselig treudoof gucken, kann man ihnen (fast) nicht lange böse sein 😉 Das wird jetzt aber hier nicht so ein Katzen-Welpen-Tierbaby-Blog, bitte sehr! Dann wäre ich raus. Ich finde diese Katzen-RA-Foto-Shopping-Gruseligkeiten echt zum
            Abgewöhnen.

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            • Da kann ich dich beruhigen – ich hab für Tierbabyfotos wenig übrig. Mit fehlt da irgendwie die Empathie für. Ich hoffe übrigens, dass sich mit zunehmender zeitlicher Distanz dann hier auch wieder normale Kritikfähigkeit meinerseits einstellt. Allerdings kann ich jetzt schon mal sagen, dass Tumblr morgen wahrscheinlich ausfällt. Dazu bin ich nicht gekommen, und jetzt habe ich einfach keinen Bock mehr, noch stundenlang zu suchen. Wenn ich Zeit habe, dann vielleicht morgen mit Verspätung.

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              • Lass den Tumblr ruhig mal ruhen. Das war heute so ein Gewirbel auf allen wesentlichen Kanälen, da muss man nicht gleich wieder ins Schwärmen verfallen. Geht wuch mit ein wenig Zwitverzögerung. Ich erwäge gerade, meinen Avatar zu ändern. Mir schwebt gerade ein zerzauster Woodstook von den Peanuts vor. Das Vögelchen hat Federn gelassen 😉 Bin aber auf noch kein passendes Bild gestossen……

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  19. Just..plain…Thank You, Guylty! All this controversy has left me lost for words, and I must admit that most of the “ongoings” I simply didn’t quite understand (as much as I got them).
    An extra hug for this brown-eyed furry fella (NO snarks, please!!!!! 😉 ), as donkeys have always been my most dear animals..

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    • Well, I was speechless for over a week myself, Linda. Sometimes it takes a while to find an opinion… especially if the source text leaves a few questions open.
      And yes, donkeys are very cute. There were lots of them on the island, even though I doubt they are used for any work, nowadays.

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    • Hello Fabi, and welcome! Thanks for delurking here 🙂 I know that the issue, the message and possibly my post evoke strong feelings. Hope to hear from you again, now that you have delurked 😉

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    • Took longer than I thought, and needed a further couple of days after we e-mailed… But in the end I decided that *I* am the maker of my own happiness. Glad I am back, too 🙂

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    • Very well observed, Jo – glad that *someone* spotted it 😉 We are thinking beings, it’s what defines us, fangirl or not, That’s why I absolutely defend the right of people to have a contrary opinion, too, or their right to criticize RA or fandom matters or whatever. As long as it’s done respectfully there is no need to feel threatened by it.

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  23. Excellent post. Richard’s not an oracle or a moral authority. And yet he has a powerful voice because of his celebrity. That creates an automatic conflict any time he wants to use his voice in support of something he believes in. As you say, it’s all about choice, both his and yours.
    I am a harmony person myself. I think it’s an ideal worth wishing for–not that everyone agrees, but that everyone gets along.
    Love your photographs!

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    • Thanks, Linnet – you expressed the issue really well. Maybe you can look at it more objectively than we can, too, because you are invested in a different fandom than this one. I completely agree that RA is not a moral authority, not on fandom matters, not on anything else. His opinion is worth hearing, as is any other’s. That’s all.
      Glad to hear you like the photos. Just two from my recent trip. I might throw some up later today, just to pass the time 😉

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      • Yes, it’s easier for me because of my status as an RA appreciator rather than a true fan. If you are a fan, you parse every word out of the person’s mouth, and to some degree you interpret it in relation to yourself. Being a fan of another, I understand the depth of the reactions either way. It’s personal! And especially since he’s talking about an activity (social media) in which fans concentrate so much energy.

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        • That’s just it. As a fan, I scrutinize all utterances of my favourite star, (mis)interpret and take things personally. In German we call that “to weigh the words on a gold scale”, i.e. an extremely finely tuned, sensitive scales. Not saying that it is wrong to do so. But yeah, sometimes that is unfair, and it often makes *me* feel unbalanced when I come to the wrong conclusion…
          Anyhow, in this case I think that there is definitely a benefit to the whole thing – however controversial his (choice of) words may have been, it has brought the issue to the fore, and that is ultimately positive. I am glad others are discussing this openly.

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  24. Hello (RA) World! Here I am, finally finding my voice 🙂 it may be a small step for the fandom, but it’s huge leap for me! I thank you, Guylty, for creating here a friendly place and for writing this post. I am all for positivity and civilized behavior, as I am for freedom of speech and right to privacy.
    You expressed a valuable opinion and, even if I had my struggle with Richard’s posts, I am going to do exactly what you said: remember how Thorin’s eyes pierced my soul and made me discover a talented actor and a beautiful man. He is not perfect, but neither am I. He has the right to express his opinion, but so do I. I am not here to agree or disagree (at least for the moment 🙂 but to cherish and share – this blog is the right place to start.

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    • Hello and welcome here, Glady – it’s lovely to see you freshly “delurked” 😉 And let’s see how long we keep up our choice to be silent 😉 I am saying that because I know by experience how much fun it is to debate and argue and discuss. I am confident that we can all express ourselves with respect and care. But anyway, Guylty Pleasure has never been a “hard-hitting news” sort of place, so the worst we’ll be discussing controversially will be the length of Richard’s hair 😉

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  25. The length of Richard’s hair can be a very long discussion, just think how many cases we have to consider, we’ll never end. And when we think we’ve ended, he will surprise us with a new style. In this moment (but this may change tomorrow 🙂 I vote for Thorin = beard + long hair. With this image in mind, I go to sleep. Btw, I told you why I’m afraid of commenting, I made already an error in the first post. Note to myself: check twice before you hit ‘post’.

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    • LOL – I look forward to discussing the latest Armitagean hairstyles, soon. And here’s an exclusive for you: There’ll be a post from me soon, which will give us the prompt 😉
      PS: I didn’t detect any mistakes! You are welcome to make them. Errare humanum est. ❤

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  26. Pingback: Not Just a Cyber-Human | Obsessive Behavior

  27. As usual, late to the party, but agree with your sentiments Guylty. We are all in different places in our lives and prudently, anonymity (while not as guaranteed as we would like) can be the safer path. As long as you harm no one else with your behaviour, (not you per se, but as a generalisation) I don’t care either way. I am not anonymous and have not mastered the ability to achieve that on line or in real life. Be it laziness on my part or lack of will, no matter, my bad acts or perceived bad acts are what they are and I own it as best I can. Protection is really the bottom line for many who would like to remain anonymous. I’m all for that too. We cannot all be accessible to everyone and anyone who wants to access us and while I’m not judging the original sentiment or the messenger, so I hope this does not come across as unfair, but even they are not accessible to everyone and anyone, online or otherwise. Again, we are in different places in our lives able to deal with or not with what we have to in the world we live in. Behaviour is the only way to accurately judge anyone, no matter what happens, it is our own actions that tell everyone else who we are.

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    • I think there is much to be said for anonymity (or pseudonymity), and I am certainly not judging anyone for choosing their way of concealing or exposing their identity online. There are good reasons for both approaches. In my experience, anyway, most of the people I communicate with online can be identified to a certain extent. Most people give hints and clues as to their identity – where they live, what they do for a living, their family status etc. Personally, I do not need to know their name and address to take them seriously – for me, identity is how you behave, not what you are called. But I suppose RA brought all of this up in a different context, and with the underlying premise that we may behave differently (i.e. better) if we were identifiable by name. Probably true for trolls – but when it comes to bullying, I can actually say from my own experience that I knew my tormentor’s name and that didn’t stop him bullying me, so there, it’s not a fail-safe recipe for decent behaviour.

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      • I couldn’t agree with you more. I certainly hope I do not sound critical of anyone’s choice to do what works best for them and their comfort zone. Honestly, for me it isn’t about those who wish to remain anonymous, but more about those that want to bully/victimise others. Unfortunately, those that are not offending or are at the very least, well behaved, (for the record, I do not count myself in the non-offensive or well behaved category, heh) are the ones that always have to make sacrifices for the bad behavior of others.

        Change never happens without awareness and education. All these discussions are a step in the right direction, I think anyway.

        Thank you for your calm, reasonable insights, they do help me wrap my head around it from varying perspectives as well.

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  28. Pingback: See You Next Year… | Guylty Pleasure

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