Misheard Movie Quotes

My friend Abby posted a tweet the other day about the lockdown stage where you are in “spouse chews loudly” phase. Touché. Although the lockdown phases in my house also manifest in other ways. Imagine my surprise this morning, for instance, when Mr Guylty suddenly and without any prior introduction starts suggesting things I could create to entertain myself and my fellow fans. That’s the “I haven’t got anything to say, so let’s talk about your celebrity crush instead” phase 😂. Mr Guylty was thinking of adapting classic book titles to suit Richard Armitage – along the lines of Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations turned into “Grate Expectations” (by the famous Dutch author, spelled with two Ks). I, OTOH, was wondering whether I could come up with some “Lost Consonants”. I’m a great fan of Graham Rawle’s series; you can see some of his hilarious word play images on his website.) In the end, I came up with a different concept, which I am pleased to present to your entertainment.

Misheard Movie Quotes

featuring Richard Armitage’s characters


First up, a quote from Richard’s iconic turn as smouldering mill owner John Thornton.

Who could ever resist? The prospect alone of untying that cravat, would make me go into voluntary isolation immediately.

But let’s look at some other, well-loved characters. The sensitive, softly spoken farmer John Standring has been proven to be the perfect lockdown partner. (See In the Bleak Midwinter by khandy for further reference.)

Yep, I bet the trustful agriculteur could easily fall victim to a) stockpiling and b) profiteering by stock pile sellers.

The latter wouldn’t happen to smooth operator John Porter.

Surprisingly sweet, don’t you think?

It feels a bit wrong to make fun of earnest hero John Proctor, but then again, he *did* say this:

Or didn’t he? Well, maybe these movie quotes are getting a bit fishy. I really shouldn’t make him the butt of any jokes.

The Red Dragon, however…

Oh, big time. Fuller really owes *us* some arse there – this pixellation of essential plot was most irritating.

Right. Well, that passed a good 30 minutes this morning… Can you think of any other iconic quotes from Richard’s oeuvre that I could possibly mishear? Leave the (original) quotes in the comments – and I’ll see 👀 what I hear 👂🏻.




61 thoughts on “Misheard Movie Quotes

    • Hehe – I have been subjected to daily puns courtesy of my beloved and our daughter (who has inherited the pun gene from him). You have no idea how many fish puns I have had to endure…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Hilarious! 😂 Thank you for the laugh! 🙏🏻❤️
    I want to be in lockdown with Mr Thornton. We can read together 😉😁

    Nothing has come up to my mind right away re RA characters’ quotes but there is one funny mishearing I’d like to share. Once I traveled with my friend who knew some English; at the airport hearing an announcement “Your gate has been changed”, she asked me “What? Husband changed?😳” I remember it every time I hear the announcement ‘your gate has been changed” 😁


    • Hehe, you’re welcome. And yes, even though I don’t like NS, I’d probably not say no if Mr Thornton wanted to lock down with me 😁
      LOL on the misheard gate announcement. I remember quite a few of those from my English learning days.


  2. Oh these are so funny Guylty! I love puns and mis-prints. It is so stupid but I can’t think of any quotes at the moment – not one – I’ll think on. But, oh god, I really identify with ‘spouse chews loudly’. I’m not the most tolerant person with repetitive noises at the best of times but my annoyance is magnified at the moment, as noises seem to be, his tapping of his keyboard sounds like a mallet on an anvil.


  3. Without herbs, my world may well turn to mash…
    Love all yours, Guylty, what a brilliant game!

    You know, it’s the breathing that really causes the trouble. And I’m sure MrJenny would say the same. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ohhhh, fantastic, Jenny. I had the second half of that quote down (with the mash, too), but the herbs were what was missing. That has to be put out as an edit.
      Breathing – seriously, can they not breathe quietly. 😡


  4. Oh, these are hilarious! The ‘lock down’ one is the best, IMHO, and I love the bream, too. The poor hubbies are getting bored. I think they can’t help it. Mine is now suggesting what I should sell on eBay and how I should do it. I’m ignoring the fact that I’m the one with 22 years experience selling on eBay, not him. LOL He does a great job of making sure things get mailed on time, but most of the time now I just request the post office to pick up the boxes because I don’t want him to be exposed to viruses.. Hmmm.
    I have, however, resorted to posting silly cat photos on Facebook because I’m bored, too!!


    • Don’t bother. I put a bunch of odds and ends on eBay a few weeks ago. Nobody’s buying. Surprisingly. I was sure some people would turn there to satisfy “shopping therapy” needs. Are they afraid the received goods will be infected? (If so worried, just let them sit for a few days before opening!) I don’t know.


      • My husband has been successful on Facebook he sold 4 bicycles to local people I reckon it’s because the roads are quiet and people who haven’t cycled for years are taking it up again.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve been wondering about that, too. But then there is also this: A lot of people are currently experiencing temporary unemployment. So maybe people are being more careful with their money, just in case. (It kind of applies to me, too – I’ve been eyeing some stuff online for a while, but every time I am close to clicking the ‘buy’ button, I think “no, better not, wait until this is all over”.)


    • The selling game has really slowed down. That is my experience, too, Ricky. I don’t sell on eBay, but on Etsy things have quietened down (although I was lucky to make 2 sales just a couple of days ago).
      But yeah, with hubsters spending more time in the house, they feel compelled to apply their universal expertise to everything now. Hmph. It takes the diplomacy of a woman to endure that 😂


  5. Holy moly – I have finally stepped out of the cave with my updated (can now update all apps) iDevice and what do I find but chaRActer inspired hilarity!!! Love it 😁


    • Obscura!!!!!!!!!!!! There are not enough exclamation marks in the world to express how delighted I am to see your comment. How are you???? I hope you are well. I miss you forever but I trust you are busy and happy and allround good! Lots of love to you!!!!


      • All things considered, I’m doing very well! Since my work life is centered around facilitating online instruction, I’m actually finding that I have more free time during the day when not constantly interrupted by pesky physical interaction !! 😜. Who knows, I may even blow the dust bunnies out of my blog! I’ve missed chatting too – we’ll need to remedy that!!!!

        Liked by 3 people

  6. “Lock down with me” – I certainly wouldn’t be resisting *sigh*
    I’m hopeless at puns so well done, thank you for the entertainment! My offering is another JT one: “I found it in the hedgerow.”

    Oh, and….let’s pixellate that arse, but we’ll go ahead with the gore and the body on fire *smh*

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, great, thanks for the JT quote. I’ll see what I can do with that.
      As for the pixellated body parts: I will never understand how something that we are all familiar with and have seen, has to be obscured.


  7. I did my first Yoga session through Zoom on Wednesday, 16 logged in, it worked out surprisingly well, some of the I pad and I phone names didn’t match so I think they were borrowing husband’s stuff!


  8. Squirrel’s quotes:
    “In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort”.
    coud become:
    “In a home behind bathdoor there lived an actor. Not a nasty, dirty, wet bathroom, filled with the ends of crobs and soap smell, nor yet an insane, infected cubby hole with Covid in it to sick down on or to cough at: it was a Richard-home, and that means anti-socialite-work comfort”.

    Thorin quote: “There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something”
    could become: “There is nothing like locking, if you want to be saved from Covid-19 “.

    Bilbo quote: “Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool!”
    could become: “Never cough at live RAfans, Bilbo you fool!”

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Squirrel’s Hobbit related misquotes are great! Nowadays, Thorin’s “Will you follow me one last time?”speech would need the addition of “But don’t forget the social distancing.”


  10. Pingback: Misheard Movie Quotes – Part 2 | Guylty Pleasure

  11. Pingback: Misheard Movie Quotes — Guylty Pleasure | First Scene Screenplay Festival

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