Miniature Distraction

Continuing on with the distractions… I thought I’d put the little cover designs in here that I made for the miniature badges that went into the Etsy sale last month. A couple of the designs never made it – because they were so small that the titles did not show up on the print.

Now, what are these books about? Here are some blurb suggestions…

Michail J. Astrov made his name as a pro bono doctor in the Russian hinterland, caring for the oppressed serfs in the muddy isolation of a minor country estate. Besides his medical duties, Astrov developed a deep interest in reforestation,  conservation and vodka consumption, culminating in passionate activism within the fledgling semi-naturalist movement of the early 20th century.

In this autobiography, Astrov charts his journey from prim and proper medical school graduate to desperate country doctor. He recounts heartbreaking stories of poverty and misery from his medical practice, philosophises on mankind’s duty to conserve the planet for the generations of the future, and shares his best tips for conquering the woman of your dreams while ignoring the dreams of the woman who loves you. It may be a difficult journey, but in the end it will all be awight!!!

Acclaimed actor/producer/writer Richard Armitage launches his first self-help book with this compendium of wisdoms and wisecracks. Taking its title from his most successful public statement, yet, Armitage’s message is rousing, compelling, and life-affirming. “Be grateful for love, however it finds you. Be happy that you have the capacity to feel it, whoever it’s for. It’s a short life. Live it, in Love.” Not for haters and flakers, this practical guide to joyful living is illustrated with mood-enhancing images that are sure to crack even the most hardened cynic.

After a career spanning more than 25 years, many genres, and countless character studies, British-born Richard Armitage is finally ready to take up the quill and share his written insights in life and living with his audience. This analog offering will last forever and does not require signing up to dubious platforms. 

What makes grown men cry?

Easy. Onions or football.

And that is all we can give away about this brand new short story, penned by Richard Armitage. You better buy this pamphlet if you want to know more. Just this: When the brother cries, and the brother’s dog jumps with joy, even non-football fan Armitage gets teary-eyed. 

After honing his craft in countless notebooks as well as on several theatre stages and multitudes of episodic TV shows, Richard Armitage now brings his masterful sensitive portrayals of broken men to the medium of short stories. His trademark micro-expressions translate beautifully into this nano-portrayal in written form.  But blink, and you’ve missed it.

“I’m going to need ripped shirts, big, ripped shirts.”

The night of the premiere changes everything for Left Nipple, a 50-year-old actor from London. One moment, he is discussing vests with his witty rival, Right Nipple; the next, watching with horror as bored viewers leave the auditorium.

He knows the audience has travelled from all over but he can’t hold their attention – at least not without some ripped shirts. The thoughtful, humble body part knows that his secluded life is over. He acquires some ripped shirts and is reborn as the hero who will save the play from scathing reviews.

However, when one of the sceptical critics bites Right Nipple with crippling effect, it looks like his quest is over.

Without Right Nipple, will Left Nipple be able to save the day?

Mangled legs have been turning up all over London and the inhabitants are scared. Ten murders in ten weeks, all committed with a sword, and still nobody has a clue who the sinister killer is.

Guido Guildborne is a muscular yet sensitive actor with a fondness for leather jackets and fake moustaches. He doesn’t know it yet but he is the only one who can stop the ruthless killer. When his nephew, Dicky Hale, is kidnapped, Guildborne finds himself thrown into the centre of the investigation. His only clue is a crumpled leather jacket. – Can feisty stage hand Mary Ann Hodd help Guildborne overcome his leather jacket addiction and find the answers before the heinous killer and his deadly Orcrist strike again?

In his first foray into the crime thriller genre, eminent thesp Richard Armitage takes a leaf out of his best friend Harlan Coben’s book and weaves a plot of epic proportions. The first in a series of 15 Guildborne thrillers, the rights to Armitage’s debut novel have already been nabbed for TV adaptation, due in the fifth quarter 2026.

The year is 2071. London is an overpopulated place ruled by oligarchs and money. Once glorious and rotund, the London Eye is now rusty and lies in tatters.

Facial hair model Rick Ointoine, aka Rickoin, is humanity’s only hope. Rickoin finds the courage to start a secret revolutionary organisation called The Beardos, but his fight against international capitalism is jeopardised when Rickoin is tricked into allowing his face to be used on the new currency.

Armed with only his belief in the power of barter, Rickoin must prove his ideological credentials to The Beardos in order to get the revolution back on track. Can they defeat the ruthless oligarchs and restore the London Eye to its former glory?

Megan is a suburban soccer mom, Jack is a detective who can’t let go of a cold case-a local husband and father disappeared seventeen years ago and Ray used to be a talented documentary photographer, but at age forty he finds himself in a dead- end job posing as a paparazzo pandering to celebrity-obsessed rich kids.

Three people living lives they never wanted, hiding secrets that even those closest to them would never suspect, will find that the past doesn’t recede. As each confronts the dark side of the American Dream – the boredom of a nice suburban life, the excitement of temptation, the desperation and hunger that can lurk behind even the prettiest facades – they will discover the hard truth that the line between one kind of life and another can be as whisper-thin as a heartbeat.

With his trademark combination of page-turning thrills and unrivaled insight into the dark shadows that creep into even the happiest communities, Harlan Coben delivers a thriller that cements his status as the master of domestic suspense.

There we have it. Which cover do you like best? Which of these books would you read? And which one is the worst of the lot? (Not counting the one and only published author in this list – he is unrivalled, of course!) It is, in any case, mind-boggling what you can accomplish when you are avoiding proper work… Good evening!

31 thoughts on “Miniature Distraction

  1. LOLOL what wonderful books! You really have a creative head on your shoulders. Maybe YOU should start writing? 🙂
    Now, having read the descriptions, I wonder why I have bought “Awight!”…. probably purely for the cover. *giggle* I’d be most interested to read “I twirled my Fake Moustache” because I love murder mysteries, and “Live it, in Love” for I’d be interested in the advice Richard has to give.

    Thank you so much for the fun and the distraction! ❤


    • Hehe, I do write. For a living. Although not creatively, in that capacity… (although I am trying my best to write in an entertaining, easily accessible way.) I‘ve done some creative writing here and there, but I always find that I simply do not have the patience for a long-form piece of writing. Attention span of an untoasted slice of bread. 🍞
      ‚Awight‘ definitely has an attractive cover. Although ‚Ripped‘ is not too bad, either. The ‚fake moustache‘ is a bit evil, but well, it fitted the title…


  2. OMG! You’re a f*#king brilliant and hilarious writer! I can’t stop laughing. I want more!!!

    I’m never going to look at my own nipples again as a set – for now on, they each have their own identities!

    Such a delightful read!!

    Cheers- Liz


    • *giggles* A bit of silly fun to waste away the afternoon. Sometimes I wonder where all this claptrap comes from 🤪.
      The nipples – that really goes back to The Crucible on stage in 2014. Many people noted how the shirt worn by Proctor in the last act, has this strategic rip right across the left nipple. I think it is crying for some fan fiction of its own 😂


  3. Love, these are just effing brilliant, absolutely belly laughing brilliant. They have cheered me up no end.
    Now everything is most definitely Awiiiiight!


  4. what you been smokin? lol. I think ‘Rickoin’ would be a fun read, and ‘Live it, in Love’ sounds good too, but ‘Riiiiiipped’ is just a tad too edgy for me 😛


    • LOL – I promise, no illegal substances were involved. But maybe some momentary madness? So you are into dystopian sci-fi? That Riiiiipped play is really experimental, I suspect. Live it, in Love promises to be a bestseller…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Geeeeeeeeeee, I didn’t know you had it in you! Each joke is topped by the next. As others say, YOU should be writing these books. Get started, girl!!! (My vote: Live It, In Love. That face. Come on, there’s no equal.)


    • Hahaha, let me lose on a joke, and I can‘t stop myself… But no, I won‘t be writing anything big anytime soon.
      That Thornton face is a sure seller, no matter what‘s in the tin…


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