[The following is a transcript of a meeting of the marketing and creative directors of RAPS Inc., secretly taped. It may give you an insight into the evil forces of capitalism, all at work to get their hands at the disposable income of creepy, older women…]
Marketing Director: Right. I have called this meeting to discuss our further strategy regarding our products.
Creative Director: Um. Yeah?
MD: You know, your man, whatsisname, the fella who plays all these guys that you are basing the shrines on…
CD [interjects]: Armitage?
MD: Yeah, right, that bloke. Now, he’s apparently considered a bit of eye candy. [snorts] I had some spies at WonderCon last weekend, sussing out the scene, and apparently the man is loved by cr… [sounds of bottle opening] ol… [splashing noises] …er women. I’ve been thinking we need to tap into the market. According to some marketing big wigs, mature women are luxury consumers who place the highest priority in making memories and experiences. They don’t buy things to have more things; they want the experience to go along with it. And they are willing to pay for it.
CD: Hmph. [humming distractedly under breath; faint resemblance of tune to Misty Mountains]
MD: [sharp voice] Could you please listen!? So they want memories and experiences. The pocket shrines are the exact embodiment of that. Memories of a hot character, the experience is elicited by the shrine. But I think we need to up our game. You know… sex sells.
CD: [interested] You want to get into porn shrines?
MD: Don’t be ridiculous! This is a family friendly enterprise. But yeah, a bit more sizzle might be needed. I mean, just look at the success of the Power Porter. The feedback was great. Couple of pants in the post. Never mind the two damage suits from duped husbands, poor sods. But that’s where the cookie crumbles. Some of the ladies have significant others. We have to subtly up our game. I want the sex in the box but not the jealousy that goes with it. I need you to think of something.
CD: [sound of scratching] Mh. A husband-compatible shrine experience?
MD: Exactly! What have you got for me?
CD: Well, it just so happens I was working on a prototype the other day, I could show you some pictures?
MD: That’s why you are here. Shut up and show me.
[rustling, sound of cardboard put on table]
MD: What the…???? Are you kitting… eh kidding me???
CD: Ooops, sorry, that’s the young buyers’ version. [paper rustling]. Here.
MD: Corrrrr. [whistles] Talk me through it.
CD: Right. Ok what we have here is a digital drawing. Artist is called Yanagoya. By using evocative, realistic but clearly non-photographic imagery we can a) appeal to the ovarian sensibilities of our target group while b) avoiding anger from the target group’s significant others. This is a fantasy character, not a real man. He doesn’t exist, so *bang* – wifey’s imagination goes overdrive but SO does not have to feel threatened. Cash in the register for us *kerchink*.
MD: I like your way of thinking, Creative. Go on.
CD: We can pepper the imagery with shiny jewels, just like the ladies like, you know, heart in hand and all that. [paper rustling]
MD: That’s a bit tame, now. And whatever happened to your poor woman’s face?
CD: Well, the thinking is that she is “everywoman” – so rather than see her face, the shrine owner can imagine herself under the pink heart. You know, create that experience you were talking of? We just need to focus on the essentials. Abs, and biceps, trail of hair down into… [paper rustling]
MD: Aha. Ya.
CD: And we are appealing to a woman’s natural wish for warmth and protection by having Thorin say he’s keeping her warm.
MD: Women. [huffs] So predictable! Simple creatures, really.
CD: Here’s the shrine in full drool mode. [rustling with paper]
MD: Ah, ok. Good. Yeah. I think that’s workable. We’ll put it out there.
CD: It’s already been sent to a volunteer test audience – woman with SO. First feedback was favourable, so I think this could be a runner. Especially as it looks pretty harmless on the outside. [plonking sound of paper on table]
MD: Great. Edition of 2000 for the start?
CD: Ambitious. But yeah. It’ll be a great companion piece to Thorin #1. And Thorin #3 will be the travel companion. Here’s the three of them.
MD: Right, Creative, looking good. Let’s hope, that Armitage fella keeps workin’. Otherwise this gold mine will run dry… I think we can close this meeting. [end of tape]
Guylty Pleasure 
*fans self*
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*hands over a wet flannel and grins*
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HEY YOU! I have no problem to be called creepy, but never dare to call me *older*! That really is embarrassing. Nosorryjokeaside – do you really think this version is husband friendly? The outside, yes. But although it is a fictional character and non-photographic, it is f**king hot!! *breathinginpaperbag
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I know, it is extremely hot. But acceptable because clearly not Richard *ahem*. (Or that’s what I would say to my husband…) It’s all fantasy.
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I can only conclude that I attend the wrong type of business meetings… how can I get on the board of the Shrine crew? I think I could make a significant contribution, at least with my talent for sifting through NSFW images… I’ll have my assistant send your assistant my CV 😉
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LOL – that would be the position of picture editor, I think. It’s tough work, I can tell you, looking through all those NSFW images. Particularly because you get side-tracked so easily.
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I have to make a dash for THIS one because the Thorin of the “Artist Yanagoya” is what appears on my phone’s screen when I type my password so… logically I must have both of them in my handbag !!! Your transcript of the meeting : SO FUNNY ! I am a secretary and I often have to attend to offices’ meetings but unfortunately they are never so interesting !!! You really enjoyed my Monday’s Easter. Thank you.
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My time in business meetings is luckily over. I only have business meetings with myself these days. And I agree – the ones I attend when I was working for a big multi-national were never peppered with hot imagery (although we occasionally discussed X-rated websites. Really. I was working for an internet company involved in search marketing, that’s why…) Glad you enjoyed it, although this kind of sexy content might not be suitable for a high Christian holiday…
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I’m agonna change my name to ‘creepy older woman’…. and I have NO Sig other to make jealous. Just sayin’…
Actually, I’m NOT gonna change my name to ‘creepy older woman’… I’m NOT creepy and I’m seasoned.
Well- Seasoned. Lotsa pepper!!!
(this is still lovely!)
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Well-seasoned and lotsa pepper – love that. I hope you all realize that I do *not* believe we are creepy older women.
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I don’t think we’re creepy. He probably misinterpreted his thesaurus for ‘beautiful’…
yeah… that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
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Nice one. I think I”ll go for that, too.
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This shrine may be SFSO, but it’s definitely NSFW!! And yeah, I’m clearly attending wrong meetings. RAPS is a modern enterprise and could use a person with my skillset… And passion? *ahem*
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SFSO – I love that abbreviation. Have to incorporate that. RAPS is an incredibly modern, young and decidedly uncreepy company. the more diverse the skillset the better. Passion is the number one necessity.
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I don’t have to be creepy and older then? 😀
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You *are* neither creepy nor older. None of my fandom friends are. So…
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😉
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🙂
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LOL! I definitely need one of these “Husband-compatible” shrines. The Thorin shrine is indeed hot (beard and all!) but I’m kind of partial to the kitten shrine, complete with “Father Knows Best” Richard 😉
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Oh, Linnet – I keep forgetting to put in the link to your fabulous shrine posts. I must do that. Next time. BTW, I was thinking of you last night – honest – because I was in the cinema and watched Ciaran Hinds in “The Sea”. Have you seen it? It was slow and quiet, but I actually really liked it…
As for a Father Knows Best shrine – interesting concept. Let’s wait for some imagery from ITS and combine that with Porter and Lexie, and we might be on to something…
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I am envious because you got to see “The Sea”! It has not opened here yet, but I’ve ordered a DVD from the UK and I’m anxiously awaiting its arrival! I’m glad you liked it, as the reviews have been mixed. We CH fans are just glad to see Mr. H. clean-shaven for a change, after his long run as the scruffy Tommy in “The Night Alive” and his Mance Rayder stubble…
I could not stop laughing at that kitten picture of RA. They were looking up at him so adoringly!
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Ah – well, it is a home-grown film in many respects. Irish author, Irish book, Irish writer, Irish directer, Irish actors. I haven’t read the book (although I quite like Banville and have read a few of his other books), but I have been told the film left out a few things that would’ve been useful to know. Anyway – I did like it. And CH looked pretty convincing to me in the role.
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Yes, I read that the director considered him the first choice. “The Sea” was the first thing I read by Banville, and it blew me away. His style is very reminiscent of Nabokov, a favorite author of mine, and “The Sea” is very Nabokovian in other ways (both Max Morden and Humbert Humbert have a first love who died very young, by the sea, like Edgar Allan Poe’s Annabel Lee).
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Loved “Lolita” – although the similarities didn’t strike me in the film. But then again, I think the film veers off a good bit from the book (I have been told).
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Yes, the similarities are much more to do with the book, the writing style, the role of memory, and shared allusions to Edgar Allan Poe!
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HOT HOT HOT..SEXY..SEXY SEXY…Hot Flashes right now!!!
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*ggg* You know, I doubt we will ever see a photograph of RA with that kind of hellishly hot chesthairitage leading the trailitage down to the XXXX-tage. But this one does the trick quite nicely…
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oi! Creepy YOUNGER woman here! lol!
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LOL. I’ll take it you are part of the target group nonetheless, bunnsssssi 😉 Welcome in our select group of mature, rich women (yeah right). Thorin transcends all boundaries of age, anyway.
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Best one yet!!!
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*ggg* That’s the Thorin majesticity, rather than my collage art.
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Outstanding, stupendous, smokin’, and a host of other superlatives!! Love it!!
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I quite like this one too. Sizzles with heat and promises pleasure. The power of images…
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Love it too. If you run out of source material, you could use a Frank Frazetta body and photoshop Thorin’s head. Hotness squared, swords optional, never armor to impede the view. And fulfills fantasy cover story for any SO’s peace of mind.
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Whoa. I just googled Frank Frazetta and *ooof*. Yeah. Hot hot hot.
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Hahaha, show me some more figures and I´ll give you a profitable calculation to sell the fabulous shrines to a consinderably lot of creepy middleaged women… (Frechheit)
In fact, you´ve done it all right, very exclusive shrines to every special demandings, it seems to me it´s time to establish the RAPS ltd. or company or whatever it is to various internet-platforms…
No, no, no, it´s fandom friendship and love all around 🙂
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😀 flooding the market. World domination next. But hey, just imagine the possibilities. An end of all war – just look at a shrine whenever you feel bad 😉
Have just had extremely good news – I’ll have another free weekend coming up next weekend. I guess another shrining all-nighter is coming up…
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Reblogged this on mimicruzc.
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Day after WonderCon and still in California. Taking time to sit and relax with my sis for the first time today, but wanted to read your post. What a great way make my Monday, (even though I have some intense work ahead) I can get a bite and focus on work with a smile on my face! BTW—Kathy Jones suggested Frank Frazetta, (one of my favs) but you might also want to look at Joe Jusko’s barbarian art. 😀 Mimi
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Hope your day worked out well.
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What a “hot” pocket shrine… I love it. 🙂
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😀 really quite sexy…
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Creep..drool..creep..drool..creep…Hi Guylty! I love it! 😀
PS: Nice try! Are you kidding me?..it’s good for husbands with two-digit IQ 😉
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LOL – good point. Maybe I have underestimated the power of the chestitage?
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